Inside.
Dark circles under her eyes she's
Exhausted
Pain and stress fill her
She has so many questions that cant be Answered
But she will continue to wake up every morning
And paint on her "Happy Mask" she's a
True Artist
She walks the halls every day, she talks to her friends
and always solves their problems but
They never seem to know She has one
They ask her why she doesn't eat her lunch and just drinks water.
That's the closest they've
Ever come
The day ends and she gets home
The paint gets smeared off and the pain sets in
Here we go again
I'm in for another long night on this horribly disgusting ride
I wish i knew why
I wish i just knew what would drive him to do this to you
He murdered you He
Repeatedly
stuck a knife in and out of your body
with no second thoughts
How could he hurt you
but I guess I'll never know
I guess I'm just stuck reading the story
looking at your obituary and listening to the songs
We played at your funeral
I guess i just miss you
and I'm so pissed off
I feel like I cant live
Without you
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this is amazing!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei love this peom. mauybe for the like that past when you say i love you an miss you like italisize the words so like there strong the meaning i think it will really grab attention.
and i think that what your going for you got it. an im very very sorry
I really like how you set this up. Good word choice and the line breaks are very effective.
ReplyDeleteAfter the start where you are talking in third person i think it would help if you put a stanza break and then have the part where you are talking in first person. This would display the deliberate shift to a much more personal perspective.
wow. powerful poem. i like how you say "But she will continue to wake up every morning
ReplyDeleteAnd paint on her "Happy Mask" she's a
True Artist"
you can really real the emotions in this poem.
This is really good and powerful. I liked the line that she's a "true artist." It reminds me of this poem called "Hummingbird Blues" by Chirstine Hatch.
ReplyDeleteI think the idea of you looking over an obituary is very powerful, maybe emphasize that. I was a little confused when you shifted from third to second person. Maybe clarify that. Overall, really good.
...you...need a huge hug...the end. I love your poem (even if its really sad and it is) one question though, is "inside" the fist line of your poem or the title? just wondering...
ReplyDelete